Three Kinds of Love

Eros – Need Love – Physical attraction – Proverbs 5:15-19

Phileo – Friendship Love – speek truth in love – Friendship – Brotherly Love – Romans 12:9-13

Agape – Giving Love – Selfless – Spiritual – God Inspired – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

How to know if you’re in LOVE. How to IMPROVE your love life.

Is it “Love” or “Infatuation”

Test #1 – Time

Love grows and all growth requires time.
Infatuation may come suddenly.

Test #2 – Knowledge

Love grows out of an appraisal of all the known characteristics of the other person.
Infatuation may arise from an acquaintance with only a few or only one of these characteristics.

Test #3 – Focus

Love is other-person centered. It is outgoing. It results in sharing.
Infatuation is self-centered.

Test #4 – Singularity

Genuine love is centred on one person only.
An infatuated individual may be “in love” with two or more persons simultaneously.

Test #5 – Security

An indivisual in love tends to have a sense of security and a feeling of trust after considering everything involved in his relationship with the other person.
An infatuated individual tends to have a blind sense of security based upon wishful thinking rather than upon careful consideration, or he may have a sense of insecurity that is sometimes expressed as jealousy.

Test #6 – Work

An individual in love works for the other person or for their mutual benefit. He may study to make the other person proud of him. His ambition is spurred and he plans and saves for the future. He may daydream, but his dreams are reasonably attainable.
An infatuated person may lose his ambition, his appetite, his interest in everyday affairs. He thinks of his own misery. He often daydreams, but his dreams are sometimes not limited to the attainable and are given free rein. At times the dreams become substitutes for reality and the individual lives in his world of dreams.

Test #7 – Problem Solving

A couple in love faces problems frankly and attemps to sovle them. If there are barriers to their getting married, these barriers are approached intelligently and removed. Such as cannot be removed may be circumvennted, but with knowledge that what is done is done deliberately circomvention.
In infatuation, problems tend to be disregarded or glossed over.

Test #8 – Distance

Love tends to be constant.
Infatuation often varies with distance between the couple.

Test #9 – Physical Attraction and Involvement

Physical attraction is a relatively smaller part of their total relationship when a couple is in love, a relatively greater part when they are infatuated. When a couple is in love, any physical contact they have tends to have meaning as well as be a pleasurable experience in and of itself. It tens to express what they feel towards each other. In infatuation, physical contact tends to be an end in itself. It represents only pleasurable experience devoid of meaning.

Test #10 – Affection

In love an expression of affection tends to come relatively late in the couple’s relationship.
In infatuation, it may come earlier, sometimes from the very beginning.

Test #11 – Stability

Love tends to endure.
Infatuation may change suddenly, unpredictably.

Test #12 – Delayed Gratification

A couple in love is not indifferent to the effects of postponedment of their wedding and do not prolong the period of postponement unless they find it wiser to wait a reasonable time; they do not feel an almost irresistable drive toward haste.
Infatuated couples tend to feel an urge towards getting married. Postponement is intolerable to them and they interpret it as deprivation rather than preperation.

This was part of a relationship bible study.

The above list was adapted form Marriage for Moderns by Dr. Henry Bowman.


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